STAGE MANAGER:

We were ready to go hours ago
Yep plenty of time for another dress rehearsal
The comms are working perfectly
That scene change worked well
Thanks... but as you know "I Don't Drink"

SET DESIGNERS:
That worked out exactly as we planned it
It could be our fault we got the colours wrong... nothing to do with the lighting
You might well be right about the way it looks
So many helpers... so much time
Thanks... but as you know "I don't drink"

STAGE CREW:
We'll be in first thing in the morning
Set designers are such understanding people
What a fantastic show this is
Of course you're not in the way
Thanks... but as you know "I don't drink"

DIRECTOR/PRODUCER:
The show is running within budget!
The stage crew are such understanding people!
The orchestra are a little too quiet!
That scene change didn't work too well!
Thanks... but as you know "I don't drink"

THE ORCHESTRA:
We're not too loud the cast are too quiet
The drummer is just being himself
What time does the bar open?
What do you mean there is no bar???
The drinks are on us!!!

LIGHTING:
If you don't like the gels we put in we can change them all
It's ok stand there we'll move the light to spot you
All lights ordered are here and working
Oh bother... the lighting PC has just crashed
Thanks... but as you know... I have to get to bed early tonight

SOUND:
This buildings acoustics are great
If there isn't room for me I can manage to do the sound from the car park
Such wonderful voices... so easy to mix
Dosen't the bar have a wonderful selection of drinks and at such reasonible prices!
Thanks... but as you know... oh go on then!

THE ACTOR:
Maybe my big scene should be cut a little? What do you think?
No please... lets not talk about me and my part.
I love the costume... it makes me look so tall and slim
Thats ok I can do that myself

I'd like to say a big big thankyou to my fellow cast members, makeup, lights, sound, and stage crew... without them the show would not go on and I would not look and sound so wonderful. Enough about me... drinks all round!!! But before I go... Mr Stage manager what time would you like me to come and help clean up in the morning???

Submitted by Joe Mitchell from Soundhire. Soundhire is a small theatrical sound and special effects company. They supply equipment for hire and sales to amateur and professional theatre users.