To celebrate my 500th post (this one) I have decided in light of other threads and the rampant redundancy that is going on amongst the lovely people on this board, to 'buy' a theatre and 'staff' it with you lot. Already Anne-Marie is on board but she hasn't told me what job she wants, you can be theatre director if you want A-M. Aims, you can have a job too, what do you want.

So, if anyone else wants a job in my Fantasy Theatre, please let me know via this thread and we'll see what we can come up with.

Also, we need a name for it, so any suggestions.

Can I be in your theatre Ryano, I don't know what we should call it though

Ooh, ooh, me too please Ryano! I'll muck in with most jobs and pour a decent pint too!

Theatre Reunited?

OK, Helen's behind the bar, when she's not acting that is. Also, as Loopy is a student, she can work behind the bar too. So that's a bar manager and assistant manager.

Can I just dabble... and then act a bit too?

Am a very good dabbler

And dribbler

What do you dabble in?

Anyway, I'll employ you as an actress.

I WANNA DIRECT!!!!
I WANNA DIRECT!!!!
I WANNA DIRECT!!!!
I WANNA DIRECT!!!!

*STAMPING FEET*

Actually I'll be "Creative Consultant"

Pleaseeeeeee

You can Direct anything you like George. You will also receive a percentage of the box office takings. Actors/Tetchies get paid a flat fee. Directors get a flat fee and an incentive scheme.

What will be your first production?

Obviously the Theatre Director will have to give it the OK, that's A-M but I shouldn't think it'll be a problem.

I do warn you that although I'm a studen tI've never worked in a bar before, oh what the heck, how hard can it be

Don't worry, Helen will show you the ropes.

Thank you Helen

Thanks Ryano this is a great idea. Can I be Twirlie coreographer?? Mind you only if I get all those incentive schemes too -
Know what show to do first....................

Into the Woods seemed to be a popular one.

I will also help you learn the ropes at the bar loupie loopy, although can I do it from the other side please!!

Shortly before scarpering back to the other side of the bar for a fag ....

Okay Aims, you can be Director of Choreography. An incentive scheme will accompany this position. You will have to liaise on all shows that has dancing.

Can I be the critic .

Yup, this looks like a really good place to put my 600th post!

So as I seem to get a choice of jobs, I'll go for Artistic Director. Martin is bound to want to be Technical Director or Lighting Executive or something!

"Into the Woods" sounds good too - now we just need more actors than Maureen - she can't do it on her own!

OK Kenny is 'Resident Critic' and A-M is 'Artistic Director'. Martin can't be anything yet as he hasn't applied, where is he btw?

Our first production will be 'Into the Woods' with A-M directing and George A.D. amongst other things.

Over to you A-M, select your cast and crew.

Kenny, feel free to make any comments on how she is doing.

Right, I'm sure Martin's CV will be winging its way to you shortly.

So, auditions will be this week - Maureen, which roles are you interested in?

Loupy, see if Helen will give you some time off to go for a part - you could nip out and serve drinks in the interval if necessary.

Any other takers?

I guess we're still looking for set designers/builders and a Musical Director too.......

Aims wants to do Choreography, is there any dancing in it?

There is now!

If you're still looking for a SM, put my name down!

Oi! I'm not staying stuck behind that bar! Help out, I said - why does that never actually MEAN help out???

And if you're doing Into The Woods, I'll fight anyone for the part of the Baker's Wife ...

Ok, Helen - you're on my audition list. Now it's a two-hander version of "Into the Woods".

Hi. ... I'm back, guess I'll light it then if the budgets big enough

had a huge get in this weekend - now complelely shot and going to sleep for a decade - wake me in 2013 (I'll do the ligting plot them)

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

As this is fantasy theatre, I'm sure Ryano will agree that the budget will be big enough.....even for you, Martin!

The budget is as big as you want it to be although I still want imaginative solutions to 'opportunities' that may arise.

Flange, you can SM if A-M agrees.

But of course - who else would we want to SM this fab show?

Glad to have you on board Flange - now you can round up your crew.

As this is a fantasy theatre - I'm sitting at work fantasising about a nice cold beer - it's not working though......

Martin, if you are going to work in this theatre you'll not be spending all your time drinking beer. Anyway, you haven't applied for a post yet.

Why not?? That's how we do it in the "professional" world. Lampies and noise boys can't function without beer and caffine


Oh sorry I forgot to apply - Can I go for Chief beer taster then? If the job of TD is vacant then I'll go for it too as long as it includes plenty of fantasy beer chits.....

Martin, you can be Technical Director then. You can't sit round drinking beer, you'll have to drink it whilst working!

I utterly refute Anne-Marie's suggestion that I can't do it all myself (acting, that is). Oh ho ho I can you know. Gimme an Alan Bennett Talking Head type show and I'll be on a roll!

We could always shut the bar during the performance, and anyone involved in it could help themselves as long as they leave the money for us.

Does that solve the problem

Why don't we just make it a free Bar - Ryano has enough money don't you Ryano?
We'd probably get a bigger audience too that way.

And we could all get drunk!
Yippeee!!!!!!!!!

Right, we'll put Helen's avatar on the show poster - that'll sell loads of tickets. Or shall we put Maureen's?

Who's in charge of publicity then?

You could put both, that might sell twice as many tickets

Actors can have a flat fee if they want - I think you'll find that the black hand gang will take our overtime and get out pay in the correct fashon!!

I think the theatre needs a cleaner Maureen's shown great promise in other threads....

Well, OK then, Martin. But can someone else mop the bogs when I'm in "on stage" mode? Which of course will be all the time as I'm SOOOOO good...

Martin, as this is a fantasy Theatre and in most people's fantasies, tetchies are traeted like sh!t, you'll get paid peanuts, you big monkey!

Oooh. Who's upset Ryano today then? Temper temper laddie! Come and have a nice soothing hug..... there.....

After all, Ryano, you are the boss!

Exactly, so someone has to put tetchies in their place. That way Maureen won't have to tidy up after them so much.

Thanks for that Ryano. They are SO messy!

Actually Ryano and A-M I was thinking that we could have really good scene changes for this production and put all the techies in costume and get them to dance on and off the stage with the scenery.
We could also make the lighting director have a solo dance routine - he could be the giant in the lighting box!
What do you reckon - I'm sure martin would be up for that!

Sounds good to me.

Martin, get your tutu out!

If you insist......

The real reason we don't normally do it is because we'd show you all up ......

This being a fantasy theatre means that the purdy lille performers won't have egos as big as .. errr.. a big thing to bruise!!

Kching *the sound of appearence fee being added to my Enormous techie wage (no equity cr@p for us techies - far to smart to join that bunch of bandits!)

Since the job of TD appears to have gone, I am going to have to apply for Head Flyman (assuming that you have fully counter-weighted flys - please don't take that out of context). I have a slight problem with hemp lines, in as much as I only weigh about 9 stone, but I have been known to don a diving belt to keep me on the floor!

Dave

Ah, finally a job for me - ballast for Dave!

Dave this theatre will have EVERYTHING!