So, all you directors out there - Jane has put this little section in just for us.

And the first question I'd like to know is what makes you mad, either at rehearsals or performances. We've done this with the actors - things like mobile phones and so on.

The thing that really really winds me up - in fact my pet hate - is bad attendance. Either lateness or non-attendance. I don't mind someone calling me to say they'll be late to rehearsal because they're on call, or that they won't be there because they're sick.....but IN ADVANCE please!

There's nothing worse than wondering where someone is all evening and working around them not being there, only to get home and find a message on the anwerphone, put there well after rehearsal started, saying "sorry I won't be there"!!

Right - had my moan, now what about you?

Apart from the usual things like talking to each other whilst someone else is working or the mobile phone problem, I hate when people don't want to contribute to a character. When they just want to play the role as the directors view. I like people to discuss the characters past, their relationships with the other characters, what they've been doing earlier today, last week, last year. Then when you ask someone to voice these things they say , "I haven't thought about it"

My pet hate is lack of application, people who can learn lines, but can't be bothered. Those with a small role usually near the end of a play who leave it to the last moment. Others who approximate lines. The same poeple who are miffed when they fail to get "plum roles"..

Besides the above - With ?warm props? who find themselves too busy to apply learning lines & then having the cheek to fire shots at others who have missed giving them their cue?s & throwing ?Gloria Swansons all over the stage! But the ones that ring or email me are the best, with some pathetic excuse like the cat has died or they are getting married? When the real reason is they have been offered a better part in another production.- So I try to be calm & sickly sweet I wish them luck! Even going to the extent of offering them comp tickets for Opening night - That works wonders every time!- when you see that look on their face of realisation that "It should have been ?me? up there!" I enjoy the sweetness of revenge & at the same time keep a friend! Who I can still call on for another production in the future!

Anne-Marie - as a concerned friendly suggestion - You should check out where that object has been before you touch IT again - as was stated by that famous writer of the Book ?How to get IT? by the guy who had IT, got It & couldn?t get rid of IT!
Chookas {May you always play with....{sorry!}- to a full house!
Joe

The millions of questions during Tech Week--especially when 75% of the answers are on all the paperwork you pumped out the week before.

I'm trying to concentrate--look it up!

The cast member that drops out after a few rehearsals because their part isn't as big as they'd hoped for and expects you not to be cross about it. We had this last time over a small but important speaking role at a time when everyone else was either on or waiting to come on in a totally different costume.

The cast that leave litter lying around so that after a long rehearsal if you forget to instruct them specifically to do it, you end up doing it yourself.

People that are always too busy to help with get out.

Time to let off steam

People who are constantly LATE
Actors who constantly miss rehearsals
People who don't learn their lines
People who won't take any sort of direction because they assume they got it perfect in audition!
People who are late or arrive on the dot, insist on a coffee break then complain they have to leave exactly on time otherwise the world will end. Which can turn a 2hr rehearsal into 1hr15mins
Actors who sell fewer tickets than normal because they haven't got a "big" part
Actors who sell no tickets at all
Actors who won't help out in a secondary fashion such as leaflet drop , backstage help etc etc
Actors who whine every rehearsal about a specific move that EVERYONE thinks looks v good.
Actors who talk loudly during rehearsal sometimes even on stage!
Actors who think they are directors and stick their oar in to every direction decision you make.
Actors who "direct their co-stars behind the director's back... so that when a scene is being played the director is surprised to see the actor's character completely change from last rehearsal!
Actors who say... "it's only an AMATEUR show" (They never get cast again)

That's just off the top of my head!

From a technical/production perspective I know but still...

Actors who.......

Won't wear any of the 100 different costumes you've given them

Don't return their props and complain they can't find them

Don't return their radio mic pack and compalin the next day when you haven't got it

Turn off their radio mic pack off stage and can't be heard when they come on again

Stop in the wings as soon as they get off stage thus leaving the rest of the cast on stage when the lights come up

Whine at the tech because they're having to stop and start

Dissappear at the tech becasue it was going too slowly and didn't feel they were needed (halting the tech for 15 mins till you find them)

Bug you with their little problem pre tech when you're busy trying to get the big stuff sorted

Try to chat to the director during the lighting plot because they're a a loose end - it doesnt' matter you still have 100 cues left to do before the tech.

Hold the show because they won't come to the beginners call as they don't want to stand around

Miss their entrances because they're not paying attention in the dressing room

Get in the way of scene changes backstage

Won't clear the dressing rooms at the end of the night because they have friends in the bar

Wander round at the get in pointing out unfinished parts of the set and complaining the stage isn't big enough

Can't even manage a thank you....

Plus,

Those who don't mark up their scripts.

Those who start to chatter, as some as the scene stops in rehearsal.

Those who paraphrase the script

Those who text apologises for absence.

Those who think they know more than the director, that they can argue with the director, but they can't even learn lines their lines on cue.

Those who think 3 little gestures they keep rotating through is 'creating a character.'

Erm, Pam... when you were directing me did you get upset by this?

(At one point we were considering describing the entire show as "a paraphrasal of The King and I", but

• That wouldn't have fitted on the programme, and


• Pam learned her lines, leaving only one person on the stage paraphrasing (blush)

regards,
/alan

Has anyone here read "The Art of Coarse Acting"? If not, I should highly recommend it...

regards,
/alan

I've read it numerous times and it never fails to amuse me. It's the perfect handbook for how not to do amateur theatre. There are also 2 volumes of 1 act plays based on the books and they are hilarious. You would just have to make sure that the audience were in on the joke or it could be very emabarrassing

Things that make me mad when directing...

1) People who complain immediately after the casting about who's playing what
2) People who, having got a role, display little or no enthusiasm for the show
3) People who don't concentrate during rehearsals
4) People who don't apply themselves (I always give my cast a list of background details regarding the times the play is set in - the number of times I've referred to an in item on the list only to be told "I haven't read it")
5) People who show a lack of courtesy to their fellow show people (including back stage, FOH and the Town Hall keeper)
6) People who don't seem to care
7) People who think they only have to look at their script on rehearsal nights
8) People who seem to start all their sentences "I can't..."
9) People who don't turn up for a rehearsal without letting anyone know beforehand and then the following week say "Sorry about last week but..."
10) People who can't get their basics right giving advice to a fellow performer

I'm sure I can think of more...

Lateness drives me insane, more than anything else!

A start time is a start time - not an approximation!

Couldn't agree more

And the people that arrive seconds before the scheduled start time and then expect to get a drink at the bar before they start rehearsing

All of the above....and especially actors who won't listen because they know better..Grrrrrr!

We're in very early rehearsals for Singin' in the Rain at the moment yet Ian, who's directing, is amazed by the number of people who are still telling him they haven't seen the film. Some of these were people who auditioned too.... And it's not as if it's exactly hard to get a copy. Sigh...

And what a shame! It's one of my favorite films. I think anyone who does theatre should see it--there are just so many references you can pull from it. But then again, they would then understand what "The Triple Threat" is or why we call them "Lina."

Noooo! I'm trying not to let my guys watch the film of My Night With Reg - it's awful!

Can I add actors who go straight to the pub from work then turn up to rehearsal and carry on drinking, ensuring that by 9.30 they can't say, let alone remember, their lines?

Yes, I do agree that the film is not always representative of the show. I loathe the film of Sweet Charity (despite the wonderful Shirley Maclaine and Chita Rivera) but the stage show is super.

Temperance venue.....

Having produced by never directed I can relate to all the comments here.

My question is what is it that makes you keep comming back to go through it all again?

I think it's the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd

Roar Faint titter if you're lucky round here mate

Thats what I mean, we all do things for a reason surely, be it self satisfaction that we can, the challenge, the praise etc. When you look at all the hassles associated with it, is it worth it? Once you loose the enjoyment of your hobby surely it cant be?

Agree absolutely Fishy - stop loving it, stop doing it...



Woo hoo! Worked out the new way of replying with the quote thingummy! Now if only I can work out how to stop having to scroll down to press "add reply"....

Oooh, the quote thingy is good! Personal satisfaction is all any of us get from it, though that's a big "all". Perhaps some people just like having something to moan about, but that's a pain in the disallowed word for other team members.

Personally, I do it for the pleasure of working with similar minded persons and the feeling of fellowship you get from going through something together.

I did something in the summer where I had to have a real slanging match with my 'wife' The director taught me to be angry in a way that I have always been to timid to behave in real life and it gave me a tremendous buzz to really let rip. I also felt a lot of warmth for the actress concerned, not sure why, perhaps it was because I could let rip and afterwards we were all friends.

I'm only doing it this time because I found a script that I didn't want anyone else to b***er about with.

Good for you. There's a particular play that is technically hugely complex that would be great for our society to do and which shouldn't be taken on lightly by a director. But I'm too chicken...

Peoples over active egos, with no talent who think they have talent.
People who think they are really good singers but arent
People who want to sing a certain song no matter how inappropriate to the show

Sound operators who are consistently late throughout dress/tech rehearsals, getting at least 50% of the cues wrong each time, then not turning up on the first night till half an hour after the play had started, thus forcing me (nervous enough already) into the position of having to learn the sound equipment in 5 minutes flat. There isn't a smiley face angry enough for how I felt.

Now that *is* bad. I hope they had a very. very. very good excuse.

He may have. I sacked him when he arrived in the interval.

Well done! He probably thought it was indispensable so could do what he liked. I would have loved to have seen his face when he realised that a mere girlie could learn his job that quickly....snigger!

I didnt know you could sack volunteers ?
What a novel idea - it could catch on !
The only downside is if you sack someone it probably means you doing their job
Having said that the satisfaction must be immense !
I bet the person even had the cheek to look agrieved ! "Sacked me just because I was a few minutes late on a few of the shows ! What a cheek, i'm indispensible the show will be a disaster without me!"

And he sent me an email saying that now he wasn't on the show he wouldn't be coming to the cast party!

No sh*t sherlock!

Well done Helen, Fortunatly, in my experience people like this are few and far between.

I have had to 'sack' only one actor in the past. I would have liked to sack others, but on a dress rehearsal and no understudy or even a stand in I just had to bite my tongue

Amateur dramatics is certainly a weird little world where people leave everyday courtesy's (like punctuality) behind

Yes, but this one made a fundamental mistake. If you are indispensable, then the show must collapse if you are not there. It didn't so he cooked his own goose. Good on you Helen.

Although I have to say I think that's rare. Those that don't bother to turn up on time won't do more than one show! And on the flip side of the coin, I have known people who have been terribly ill or going through a real personal crisis (eg bereavement) STILL turn up on time for both rehearsals and performances. Many of us would never even consider missing a performance unless there's been a catastrophe!

Absolutely. If he had been on time for rehearsals, been paying attention and been improving, it would have been easier to forgive him not turning up because of being stuck on a bus at curtain-up on the first night. He failed on all three counts.

Couldn't agree more Helen haven't had that problem few late shows (traffic etc) I expect he complained when someone wasn't on stage for HIS lighting cue!

Never had to sack anyone had a few walk out (probably for the best!). Thinking about it that's what annoys me most, people who suddenly decide that they simply can't do it or just haven't got the time. I know it's a big commitment but it's not as if that's a secret they know how often we rehearse and what their other commitments are yet it still comes as a surprise to them

*shakes head*

*steps down from soap box and walk slowly off into the distance muttering nobody cares any more*

I think Helen was spot on with her decision, and I might add, having seen her fab show (well done again) she made a b***dy good sound op.

Because Amateur theatre is by definition unpaid it can be quite difficult sometimes. I've had to restrain my self and even applogise on occasions because I've treated someone as though they were on one of my professional crews (where it's easy to say "your fired p*** off"

On the flip side I have walked off 2 shows (out of over 200) whilst in the theatre. Both were because the tech time alloted for lighitng was being (or had been) taken over for performing rehearsals etc and then I got bo***cked because the lighting wasn't great (surprise). Before I went however I left the lighting in a good enough state that they could use for a performance - not for the directors more fo rthe couple of nice actors and the audience who paid good money.

I'm not proud that I walked and would rather do a good job for my satisfaction - but sometimes enough is enough.

I don't ask for money - just some mutual respect and manners

I think the hard part is actually knowing when enough is enough and having sufficient will power to realise its best to walk away, when it stops being 'fun' otherwise your going to get upset and bitter.

Sounds to me like they had it coming Alistair. I can imagine how difficult it was for you but, at the end of the day, notwithstanding the need to entertain the audience, it has to be fun. If it isn't then the audience will pick up on that anyway. Keep writing, I'm sure someone will appreciate your efforts

Thanks for that Paul

I'm afraid one of the things i've discovered is I have a luvvy darling ego which needs to feel appreciated. I've put it in a nice warm airing cupboard with a bowl of milk so it can recuperate

If we're honest we'd all have to admit to that. I'm sure with emough TLC it will make a full recovery